I'm spending the day crafting and watching BBC documentaries - Victorian Farm and Edwardian Farm, particularly.
Not really crafting, I suppose, so much as mending; attaching buttons, repairing split seams, darning socks. I'm not very good at it, but I'm enjoying the work. I like the precision required and the utility of the finished products. Feeling useful is important to me, and it is also a rare feeling.
Perhaps it's that I haven't finished my degree yet, or that I don't have a career in my field. Hell, I don't really have a career at all, but a job. There isn't really any room for advancement unless I go into business for myself. I wouldn't rule that out in the future, once my debts are paid off, but for right now, I have to be content that I'm doing a job that requires observational skills and quick-thinking. And I am content, mostly.
I get down on myself for something that is entirely out of my control: the way my faulty collagen affects my movement, strength, and pain levels. I push myself to ignore my body's warnings and to not make excuses - "Sure, I can pick up an extra twelve-hour night shift at work" - but, I fear that I'm rather awful at it and that I cop out when I should adapt or innovate.
It's difficult to remember that my mind is subjective rather than objective in situations like these, and that my depression-and-anxiety-riddled brain is especially subjective. At times, such as in November, it is dangerously so. But really, my family is right; I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
Sure, my sewing isn't perfect and my knitting is quite slow, but I enjoy the work. It keeps my hands busy, of course, and it keeps my mind too busy to confuse my subjective and harmful thoughts for facts. That's probably the most important part.
Well, that, or that I'll finally have some socks to wear that don't have holes in them.
Showing posts with label knitting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label knitting. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Pay it Forward 2011
Ooh, I am excited about this.
Caren over at http://www.teachickadees.com was kind enough to give up her spot in Zoe's Pay it Forward so that I could be fortunate enough to receive one of Zoe's fine works. You can check out some of Zoe's stuff over at her Etsy shop. Buy something, eh? She puts a metric tonne of time and effort into the cross-stitched items, and I'm sure she's just as particular about the other items she makes, too. Caren's a sweetheart, too, so if you're looking for something vintage, make sure you check out her Etsy shop. She's currently on vacation, but will be restocked soon. I found the perfect gift for my partner there. Yep. Perfect.
So, the first five people who comment on this post will receive handmade items from me sometime in 2011. You may request whether you'd like something knit or sewn, and we'll combine our efforts to find something you like and something that I can make. I'm good with anything knit - as long as it's not a huge garment - and I'm decent at square things that are sewn - tote bags, placemats, pillowcases, etc. We'll figure something out.
The catch is that you have to Pay it Forward and commit to either posting this on your blog, if you have one, or using some other type of lottery system - perhaps Facebook or Twitter or a banner outside of your house or something. Whatever you like.
Oh - and Caren is also getting a handmade gift from me for being so sweet, regardless of whether she comments or not. Because she's just that kind of awesome. Also awesome = Jackson Creek Press in Peterborough. But that's another blog post.. It's in the works. I pinky swear.
Ready? Set? Go!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Surprise! You're not entirely awful!
I can feel my meds working.
It's nothing as significant as being eager to get up and start the day, or feeling content, or even being hungry. I'm still exhausted all of the time and am having troubles both sleeping and waking, and I still have to read a page in a book four times before any of it sinks in. I still feel like there's a pharmacy on my nightstand and that it's all that's keeping me together some days.
However, the meds are working.
In the morning, I can't seem to remember why I don't want to get up. I know that there's a very important reason for me to stay in bed all day, but.. I can't recall it. This vague feeling rests behind my eyes. It starts out as a dull ache, but sharpens as I try to remember my nightmares, or the many reasons why I couldn't fall asleep. Those were important and awful too, I'm certain, but I can't seem to locate the evidence. This nagging feeling lasts until the afternoon, at which time I become preoccupied with fighting off a nap.
Also, I'm accomplishing things. Little things, sure, like finding a place for all of my sewing stuff. Or putting my laundry away. Or washing the dishes. Or starting books for school.
Sometimes, I have to do a bunch of little things in order to accomplish a larger task, which seems far too taxing. I nearly give up completely. But.. I now start one of the tasks, and say, Just this one. I'll just do this first part, and then I can stop if I really want to.
For example, I couldn't fathom knitting another sock that isn't out of worsted weight wool. It's thick and hangs onto the bamboo needles really well. I've tried knitting with a fingering weight so I could knit a nice dress sock or something, but it kept slipping off of the needles. I got frustrated and gave up. I was looking forward to the return of Stitch & Bitch meetings so that I could ask for help from some knitting friends. I was intimidated, though, and I didn't want them to see how defeated I felt. So, I told myself that I would at least prep my materials. I certainly didn't want to show up to Stitch and Bitch to ask questions about knitting socks and then only have a big hank of wool in my bag, like this one.
It's a gorgeous hank that my partner's mother sent me from the west coast. She also sent me some lovely bamboo needles and a sock pattern to go with them. I'll probably be visiting her in February, and I want to have a pair of finished socks to show her by then. Or.. at least one. So, I had to wind the wool into a skein (ball) so that I could knit it. Trust me, trying to knit from the hank will only end in tears.
I wound the hank into a skein, gathered the pattern and my needles, and felt like I had at least prepared myself for the tough knit ahead. But.. the puppy was sleeping soundly, and I didn't really feel like reading or getting back on the computer until after dinner, and I still had a good hour or two to kill. And, well, I was determined not to nap.
So, I started the sock.
I said that I would just see how the wool worked with the double-pointed needles, and that if it was a miserable failure like the previous attempts with different wool, then I would switch to the circular needle. Nobody else had to know about the defeat with the double-pointed needles. Nobody had to know that I tried, again, and failed. The puppy was still sleeping, after all, and she wasn't going to tell anyone without getting a tummy rub first.
So, I tried again. And.. well.. it didn't fail. I didn't fail. It worked. Somehow, this time, it actually worked. I was able to knit two entire rounds of the sock on the double-pointed needles, and not a single stitch slipped off.
I don't know what I'm going to tell the Stitch & Bitch group now, since I've already told them what an impossible task it is for me to do. But, well.. I guess it'll be a good kinda surprise. This certainly was. And that's also how I know my meds are working, for I hate surprises. And I hate failing. And I hate knitting on double-pointed needles. Or.. maybe I did. We'll see.
It's nothing as significant as being eager to get up and start the day, or feeling content, or even being hungry. I'm still exhausted all of the time and am having troubles both sleeping and waking, and I still have to read a page in a book four times before any of it sinks in. I still feel like there's a pharmacy on my nightstand and that it's all that's keeping me together some days.
However, the meds are working.
In the morning, I can't seem to remember why I don't want to get up. I know that there's a very important reason for me to stay in bed all day, but.. I can't recall it. This vague feeling rests behind my eyes. It starts out as a dull ache, but sharpens as I try to remember my nightmares, or the many reasons why I couldn't fall asleep. Those were important and awful too, I'm certain, but I can't seem to locate the evidence. This nagging feeling lasts until the afternoon, at which time I become preoccupied with fighting off a nap.
Also, I'm accomplishing things. Little things, sure, like finding a place for all of my sewing stuff. Or putting my laundry away. Or washing the dishes. Or starting books for school.
Sometimes, I have to do a bunch of little things in order to accomplish a larger task, which seems far too taxing. I nearly give up completely. But.. I now start one of the tasks, and say, Just this one. I'll just do this first part, and then I can stop if I really want to.
For example, I couldn't fathom knitting another sock that isn't out of worsted weight wool. It's thick and hangs onto the bamboo needles really well. I've tried knitting with a fingering weight so I could knit a nice dress sock or something, but it kept slipping off of the needles. I got frustrated and gave up. I was looking forward to the return of Stitch & Bitch meetings so that I could ask for help from some knitting friends. I was intimidated, though, and I didn't want them to see how defeated I felt. So, I told myself that I would at least prep my materials. I certainly didn't want to show up to Stitch and Bitch to ask questions about knitting socks and then only have a big hank of wool in my bag, like this one.
It's a gorgeous hank that my partner's mother sent me from the west coast. She also sent me some lovely bamboo needles and a sock pattern to go with them. I'll probably be visiting her in February, and I want to have a pair of finished socks to show her by then. Or.. at least one. So, I had to wind the wool into a skein (ball) so that I could knit it. Trust me, trying to knit from the hank will only end in tears.
I wound the hank into a skein, gathered the pattern and my needles, and felt like I had at least prepared myself for the tough knit ahead. But.. the puppy was sleeping soundly, and I didn't really feel like reading or getting back on the computer until after dinner, and I still had a good hour or two to kill. And, well, I was determined not to nap.
So, I started the sock.
I said that I would just see how the wool worked with the double-pointed needles, and that if it was a miserable failure like the previous attempts with different wool, then I would switch to the circular needle. Nobody else had to know about the defeat with the double-pointed needles. Nobody had to know that I tried, again, and failed. The puppy was still sleeping, after all, and she wasn't going to tell anyone without getting a tummy rub first.
So, I tried again. And.. well.. it didn't fail. I didn't fail. It worked. Somehow, this time, it actually worked. I was able to knit two entire rounds of the sock on the double-pointed needles, and not a single stitch slipped off.
I don't know what I'm going to tell the Stitch & Bitch group now, since I've already told them what an impossible task it is for me to do. But, well.. I guess it'll be a good kinda surprise. This certainly was. And that's also how I know my meds are working, for I hate surprises. And I hate failing. And I hate knitting on double-pointed needles. Or.. maybe I did. We'll see.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
"Creative" Goals*
Since all of the cool kids are doing it, I'm going to post my creative goals for this year:
Ha! Kidding. But only kinda, 'cause I really would rather be assembling radio show playlists. Ooh!
7. Make radio playlists without repeating any songs for the entire year
Back to the exposition.
1. Sew two skirts from scratch
2. Knit six pairs of sock
insanity disability becoming no easier to manage. But.. that, too, is another post. Ooh - I already have one sock neeearly completed. I just have to do the toe shaping. It's going to be a Christmas stocking for the pup, since I don't have enough wool to knit a matching pair. I adore my prototype sock, though. I am smitten with socks.
3. Knit a complete sweater-vest
4. Make a case for my phone
This goal probably should be the first one I finish, as my touch-screened phone reeeally needs some comfy clothes to protect it from the elements (and the hazards contained in my purse).
5. Get back into the studio
Even if it's just a live rehearsal session or creative session in Studio B, that's cool. I just have to get back to it in some capacity while I have cheap access to a studio and some awesome friends to help me out with it. Oh. Back? you ask. Um.. well.. I dabbled in the indie roots scene in the Golden Horseshoe during my youth, and while I can say honestly that I do not miss the business side one iota, I do miss the creative side. I have to learn to be selfish about my music for awhile, if that's what it takes to enjoy it again. Then maybe you'll get to enjoy it too, if I'm up to sharing. Yes.
6. Use my DLSR again
Same sorta deal. Only, you know, I never won any awards for my photography like I did for songwriting. But whatever. There's a thriving photography and arts scene in mytown city, and I should take advantage of that. By that, I mean make friends who will say I really like the lighting in this photo or The composition is perfect or even This is a trite angle, loser. Get lost. Whatever. I want to learn and use the immensely generous gift that my family gave me a few years back. They believe in me, so I should learn to believe in myself too. Yes.
And I guess that's the point of all of these goals. Set achievable goals. Make time to work towards them. Brag when I can cross something off my list. Or whatever.
Oh, and 7. Make radio playlists without repeating any songs for the entire year.
Other programmers, and even my own operator, at Trent Radio have wondered why I am stubborn about certain selections or why I don't include super-obvious choices for themed shows. Usually, it's because I've already used that song for another show and I don't want to repeat it, or because I'm saving it for an upcoming show. I have some goals for myself for my show, some of which are based on my original proposal, and others that are just personal goals. This is one of the personal ones. I think there's enough kickass indie Canadian music out there that I shouldn't have to repeat any songs. It shouldn't be a show about whatever is on my mp3 player that week, so I carefully plan theme shows. Perhaps too carefully. That is up for debate (every. single. week. ARGH.) but this is a personal programming goal that I'd like to meet. Yes. I'll remind you to listen to the shows when the new season starts up again, and you may be able to hear if I stick to this goal or not.
Aaaand now it's time to let the pooch out and then time to try to sleep. It's been tiresome, this sleeping thing, and that is an unacceptable irony.
*These goals may or may not be creative in terms of rarity or uniqueness, but are definitely goals concerning creative energies.
- Sew two skirts from scratch
- Knit six pairs of sock
- Knit a complete sweater-vest
- Make a case for my phone
- Get back into the studio
- Use my DLSR again
Ha! Kidding. But only kinda, 'cause I really would rather be assembling radio show playlists. Ooh!
7. Make radio playlists without repeating any songs for the entire year
Back to the exposition.
1. Sew two skirts from scratch
2. Knit six pairs of sock
3. Knit a complete sweater-vest
4. Make a case for my phone
This goal probably should be the first one I finish, as my touch-screened phone reeeally needs some comfy clothes to protect it from the elements (and the hazards contained in my purse).
5. Get back into the studio
Even if it's just a live rehearsal session or creative session in Studio B, that's cool. I just have to get back to it in some capacity while I have cheap access to a studio and some awesome friends to help me out with it. Oh. Back? you ask. Um.. well.. I dabbled in the indie roots scene in the Golden Horseshoe during my youth, and while I can say honestly that I do not miss the business side one iota, I do miss the creative side. I have to learn to be selfish about my music for awhile, if that's what it takes to enjoy it again. Then maybe you'll get to enjoy it too, if I'm up to sharing. Yes.
6. Use my DLSR again
Same sorta deal. Only, you know, I never won any awards for my photography like I did for songwriting. But whatever. There's a thriving photography and arts scene in my
And I guess that's the point of all of these goals. Set achievable goals. Make time to work towards them. Brag when I can cross something off my list. Or whatever.
Oh, and 7. Make radio playlists without repeating any songs for the entire year.
Other programmers, and even my own operator, at Trent Radio have wondered why I am stubborn about certain selections or why I don't include super-obvious choices for themed shows. Usually, it's because I've already used that song for another show and I don't want to repeat it, or because I'm saving it for an upcoming show. I have some goals for myself for my show, some of which are based on my original proposal, and others that are just personal goals. This is one of the personal ones. I think there's enough kickass indie Canadian music out there that I shouldn't have to repeat any songs. It shouldn't be a show about whatever is on my mp3 player that week, so I carefully plan theme shows. Perhaps too carefully. That is up for debate (every. single. week. ARGH.) but this is a personal programming goal that I'd like to meet. Yes. I'll remind you to listen to the shows when the new season starts up again, and you may be able to hear if I stick to this goal or not.
Aaaand now it's time to let the pooch out and then time to try to sleep. It's been tiresome, this sleeping thing, and that is an unacceptable irony.
*These goals may or may not be creative in terms of rarity or uniqueness, but are definitely goals concerning creative energies.
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